My story of body image.

Body image is a weird thing.
As we all know, women are stereotyped to look a certain way.
"Real women have curves" "Get a hot body in these 5 easy workouts"
Eating clean! Working out! Fad Diets! Girls need curves!
You're going to get a man if you look like this!
What the hell!

Let me tell you the story of my body and my body image.
We're going to get honest here.

Hi, I'm Mariah. I'm 5'3 and roughly around 145 pounds. I wear a size 10 and a chest size of 34B. 
I'm pear shaped.
I gain and lose weight like nobody's business.
Funny enough, even when I do lose weight I always stay a size 10. Bodies, man.
& my thighs touch. Always have and probably always will.


When I was younger I was not only a little odd but also a little chubby.
The time I really started to think about my body was when I was in 5th grade. I was enrolled in ballet classes. I remember standing in front of the dance studio mirrors at the bars with all of the other girls. I was the shortest and the roundest. All of the other girls were tall, thin, and graceful.
When I was a baby I started walking too quickly so my hips grew inward. So, if you look at my knees (still today) they bend inward as well. I went to the doctor who told me I needed physical therapy and also needed to lose weight. My Mom would help me do sit ups every night along with my physical therapy exercises.

Middle school
 I had lost all of my baby fat (I was becoming thin). This is when I started to tell myself "Hey, my body looks good...but not good enough" I was that girl... THAT girl that would post photos of herself on myspace and comment "OmG sOoOoO fAt."

High school
 I had gained a little more weight from middle school, lost some, gained some. I was in dance in high school and was told I had a "Normal girl's body, but not a dancer's body." Even though this upset me I still tried my hardest to show I could be a hardworking dancer, with or without a butt.

College came along!
Oh, college. The freshman 15. I really did that well.
Portland Oregon! Voodoo donuts! Food carts! Thai Food every other day! Lawwdddd!
Well, by the time I left Portland I was a good 160 pounds.
Although, I knew I was leaving and almost did this to myself on purpose.
I maintained this weight of 160, even when I was in Mexico.

Denver!
This is when my weight began to drop quickly. In the year of 2012 I had gone from 160 to 130.
This was the time I really didn't get out or be the social butterfly that I am. I mostly did my own thing. I also didn't have a car and took a bus. I didn't have a job, just school. I had a lot of "me" time.
My ex-boyfriend was also vegetarian, this made it easy to cut meat out of my diet.
Not only did I have a lot of time to myself, walk a lot, eat a lot of water....I counted my calories. It was rare to go above 1,200 a day.
Even though I was losing all of the weight I felt sick. I always felt tired, shaky, and nauseas. I tried to shake it off because I loved the way I looked.
When I got my job at the front desk and my second job, my life became more busy then just having classes to attend. I didn't have time to count all of the calories, I had my car, I had other things to focus and worry on. I started to eat more and began gaining a little bit of weight.

Currently!
I may have gained 10-15ish pounds since I was my lightest.
However, I feel better and honestly healthier. 
I don't count my calories and I just eat normally. When I'm hungry I just eat and actually eat.
I have more energy and I don't constantly feel like I could throw up or sleep for hours.

The biggest problem right now is feeling as confident about my body as I was when I was thinner.
Now since I'm single, you don't always having that one person telling you that you're beautiful and loves the body you have.
The one thing I've had to put in my mind is to just not care what people think about you, especially guys. Because honestly ladies, would we really be this self conscious if men weren't in the picture?
Avoid telling yourself  "I'm chubby" "My boobs aren't big enough"
& also, why? Because we all honestly, honestly, know that when it comes down to it, not all men like thin girls, Victoria secret models, large breasts, big butts. yada yada yada.

My social life now is a lot better then it was awhile ago. I have friends! & let's be honest, I was skinner without friends. But what does this tell you? I'm not more liked because of the shape of my body or weight. I'm liked because I'm me! 130 pounds or 145 pounds.

I'm feel good, I'm healthy, I'm happy, I'm beautiful just the way I am, and I'm starting on the road to true confidence again, with the body I have now.